Hello everyone ! I am an anonymous advice-giver, and I am excited to introduce a new section of The Leonian: an advice column where you can submit burning questions about love and life! For our first article, I would like to discuss common questions that young teens may have.
Question 1: Do you believe young love can last? I have trust issues, and it weighs our relationship down. I wonder if this heartache is worth it, since most people say that high school relationships rarely last.
Answer 1: The thing with being in a relationship when you’re so young and the reason most relationships don’t last is because people change all the time, and most people don’t change simultaneously. The bottom line is: it all depends on how serious you are about this relationship and if your significant other is worth all that you’re giving up, like your freedom to date whenever and whomever you want. Age is nothing but a number. Personally, I’ve been dating the same person since I was 14-years-old, and I am now 17 . My advice is: stay faithful, don’t be naive, and let there never be a dull moment. As for trust issues: speak to your partner, let him/her know how you’re feeling. Is there a possibility that there is a specific incident that has made you feel insecure and filled with doubt? If so, let your partner know whatever it was that made you feel uncomfortable or on edge.
Jealousy and being insecure plays a huge part in trust issues. I believe that jealousy is not something you can rid of; therefore, you just have to learn to contain yourself and deal with it to the best of your ability. It is ten times harder maintaining a relationship through high school compared to when your older, in my opinion. Trust issues run wild, especially if you and your partner attend different schools. My significant other attends a different school and trust is so hard but so necessary. If your partner is being unfaithful, there is nothing you can do, sorry; you just have to face it head on and let him/her know unfaithfulness will not be tolerated. As for your love lasting, talk to each other; communication is the key . If both you and your partner are willing to commit to a long term relationship, I see no reason why you won’t succeed!
Question 2: My boyfriend of 7 months dumped me unexpectedly, and I don’t know how to deal. I didn’t see this coming at all, we had been getting along fine, and I am feeling really shocked. I asked him why, and he says he doesn’t know and that it just seemed like it was time to end things. What does that mean? How can I cope when I don’t even know why I was dumped?
Question 2: Ouch! It hurts to get dumped, but when we don’t know what happened to make a seemingly good relationship come to an end, it is even harder. There is no easy way to deal with this and no kind words that can be offered to soften the blow. Bottom line: he doesn’t want to be with you. It would be nice if he could tell you why, but it isn’t essential for you to know in order to get on with the business of being you. In holding on to this lack of closure, what you are really doing is holding on to the relationship and you won’t be able to heal until you let go. First things first, accept that this relationship is over. Mourn your loss and commit to moving on. After you have done that, if you really feel you want to know why he broke things off, take a deep breath, brace yourself for things you will not want to hear, and ask him to be brutally honest. Ask him to tell you why he ended the relationship and tell him that you don’t want him to spare your feelings. Chances are that he does have reasons for breaking things off, but he thinks that he is being kinder by keeping them to himself. If you really want to know, you have to tell him that he is hurting you more by keeping you in the dark than he ever would be by telling you the truth.
Know this, you will not like what he says. It will hurt, and you will probably not feel better after he has told you why he ended things. Most people want to know why a relationship failed so that they can try to fix those things and take another shot at making the relationship work. I find that you could fix your relationship when you find out what went wrong. I wouldn’t look at it as changing yourself to fix your relationship; I would view it as taking the next step forward at bettering yourself. Young love is difficult and there is a right and a wrong in a situation. At times, we can be wrong in our relationship and be completely oblivious to it until the “we have to talk” conversation comes up. Sometimes it’s too late yet it’s always worth a shot. If you really care about your relationship, push it as far as you can and fight for all its worth. Whatever you decide to do, you’ll be just fine. As for right now, come out of your slump, dazzle yourself up a bit, and head out with friends for a good time to release some stress and place your thoughts somewhere else. Best of luck!